Yoga Etiquette 101

We all love yoga. And we all convene under one roof for the joyful practice of yoga and mindfulness for personal liberation and freedom from karma—blah blah blah.

Here it is: If you step on my mat again, I'm gonna lose it.

Here are some simple rules of etiquette I think we can all follow.

The phone. It should be all the way off. No vibrating and definitely no ringing, no matter how melodic your ring tone may be. It's just not cool. If you're expecting an important phone call, maaaaybe you can put it under your mat.

Lateness. We all understand about traffic and such. Just, please, be respectful when entering class.

The air. Everyone likes it on a different setting. Me, I like it hot, hot, hot, but I'm not going to get up and crank it. Please just let the teacher deal with the air control.

Loudness in general. Yawning, breathing and all kinds of physical forms of "letting everything go" don't have to be heard all the way across the room.

Savasana. This is a biggie. If you plan to leave early, leave early. Let the teacher know ahead of time, and feel free to take an early savasana or seated meditation. And, please and thank you, savasana is not the time to get up and check your phone.

No gum. No perfume. No attitudes.

Busting out rogue moves that have nothing to do with what the teacher is teaching. I know, I know, Eka Pada Rajakapotasana isn't your thing. But please, while 40 people are in pidgeon, please don't be doing one-handed handstands at the wall. It's distracting. To be clear: I'm not talking about modifications here. Modifications are not only OK, they are a must if you have an issue. The thing is, teachers work hard on the sequences for their classes for a reason. If everyone is doing a mellow, cooling hip opener that might not be your fancy, there are variations and choices for you.

Yoga mats. If you own your own or you're using a loaner, keep it clean. That is all.

Sign in. Don't confuse the desk people who count the classes.

Have I covered everything?...

Thank you teachers, thank you students and thank you to the divine nature in us all. Now, seriously, don't step on my mat.

Suspense... And Yoga

So I'm working on a piece about Alfred Hitchcock, and I found this. He's not exactly in  handstand, but he's trying to move his body in space, and for that I say way to go. Now you have no excuses not to get moving!

Don't Be Sad

“Don't be ashamed to weep; 'tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us.” 

― Brian Jacques, Taggerung

Flipping A Bitch

It's good to have goals. I know it's May, it's not like it's New Year's Day, which, by the way, is the day I decided to go for what I want in life, without fear or hesitation. And I did. I also used to trick-or-treat in July when I was a kid, because I was obsessed with chocolate and it was a great way to get it for free. My point is, do what you want, when you want. Flip a bitch, Baby.

Goals. I don't know what I was so scared of in the first place. So now that I've achieved some cool stuff and pretty much demolished some of the barriers I put up for myself, it's time to make some new ones.

1. Get 50 people in my classes.

Not kidding. And after I get 50, I want 75. Then 100. But for now, I'm going for 50, in any one of my classes, and I want to do it by the end of the year. 

2. Develop a daily chanting practice.

I have very little discipline when it comes to the stuff you're supposed to do every day. I'm much more spontaneous, and I don't like making plans. I can't even remember to eat veggies with every meal. I need more type-A in me. I've done 40 days here and there, which is manageable. Time to try again, without thinking about writing, or eating, or watching Breaking Bad.

3. Push Up Into A Handstand.

Yoga tricks. I gotta say, I do get impressed. And I know it takes patience (which I don't really have) and time (which I do have). But mostly, it takes strong abs. I pay for the gym. I should use it, huh?

4. Quit Coffee.

I'm always saying this. So annoying. I love it so much, but it ain't good for me. 

5. Eat More Greens.

This is what you call a "no brainer". I'm just not used to it. The produce section is just something I pass through; I don't remember the last time I paused there, or threw anything into the shopping cart. They just don't call to me, probably because they hate me.

That's enough for now... I'm also trying to spend less time on the computer. ♥

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Yoga. So Punk Rock.

It's not what you think... 

Unless you're thinking of a group of non-judgemental, non-elitist, non-weird people, getting together for the practice and study of yoga. I'm not talking fancy studios (which can be nice), or "celebrity" yoga teachers. There's nothing snotty or exclusive about it, and everyone is welcome. It's a place to find refuge, create space and awareness, and unlock the Obi-Wan Kenobi-esque energy inside. Have you ever gone to a yoga studio and been completely intimidated by the young, hard bodies? Or do you find classes are all about who can do the trickiest handstand? Worse, do you ever feel completely left out? That's some Bullshit. 

They say an understanding of a power greater than yourself is the way of strength, not weakness. I'm pretty sure you would never call the Dalai Lama weak, or the Kung Fu Master Pai Mei in Kill Bill 2, a wise old guy who apparently lives high up in the mountains on a rock. He strokes his long white beard and yells at Beatrix all day and night, but she is hell bent on learning the secrets of Kung Fu, bless her little ignorant white heart. He ends up teaching The Bride the mysterious Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique, which I had no idea actually existed until now (I know, I'm so American). It's the deadliest blow in all martial arts. So punk rock. He also taught her how to chop through a wood wall. Spoiler Alert: It comes in handy when you're buried alive. Anyway, this Bad-Ass-Mutha-Fucka connected with a power that you and me will probably never know, because we don't live high in the mountains on a rock. I kinda wish I did.

Tallulah Bankhead (1902-1968). First of all, that's actually her real name. I always thought she made it up, because it's the most sultry, smoky name in the history of names. Wikipedia: "Tallulah has been described as 'an extremely homely child', overweight and with a deep, husky voice resulting from chronic bronchitis." She grew up to be one hot bitch, sexually adventurous, outspoken, and straight up ballsy. When Chico Marx approached her at a party and expressed a desire to "do it" with her, she replied,  "And so you shall, you old-fashioned boy." She drank, did coke, and showed up to parties naked. She was even investigated for, um, corrupting underage schoolboys. A bisexual, chain smoking, party loving babe, she didn't give a shit what people thought. her last words? "Codeine... and bourbon." So punk rock. I love her.

Damien Echols. One of the West Memphis Three, he was imprisoned for 18 years for a heinous crime he didn't commit. They were recently released on a technicality, and you know what? Damien, a high school dropout and former death-row inmate with well documented mental health problems and a penchant for heavy-metal, is the most well-spoken, non-cultish ex-con ever. The guy didn't even see sunlight for ten years because he was stuck in solitary confinement. Yeah, you try it.  I wonder if he still wears all black, since it's cool and he won't be so misunderstood in big cities. And after all the hell he went through, he knows who the real victims are: three little boys. Could this right-mindedness come from his Zen Buddhism practice he's had since the beginning of his sentence? 


"For about five years, I did start every day reading the Heart Sutra. Then I would do a hundred and eight prostrations. Then I would sit for an hour, and again at night. I had a little shrine set up in my cell. I had a little fold-out cardboard Buddha statue and I would sit a bowl of water on the table like an offering. Saturdays and Sundays, I would dedicate entirely to sitting. I would get up early in the morning and do sitting and walking meditation pretty much all day long. Eventually, we went from just sitting to practicing koan."


So awesome, so punk rock.


So don't be afraid to live your life. Let new power flow through. Study and practice. Sutra 1.1: Now is the time for Yoga. And if it's been good enough for 5,000 years, it's good enough for me. ♥ ♥ ♥


Punk Rock Yoga is every Thursday at Brazilian Yoga And Pilates, 6:30 - 7:45. Anyone and everyone who want to walk the compassionate path of the Yogi is welcome.

The Devil Bends The Best

It's A Backbend - Off!! (Actually, It's Just A Top 6 List.)

My favorite yoga pose is Urdhva Dhanurasana. It feels great and it looks tricky. I'd love to do a series of photographs of Upward Facing Bow Poses in super cool spots around town - maybe at The Viper Room, The Hollywood sign, or Neptune's Net. But then again, it kind of becomes like the whole stupid "planking" thing, which I never understood. Ever heard of a Flash Mob? According to Wikipedia: Flash Mob (or flashmob) is a group of people who assemble suddenly in a public place, perform an unusual and seemingly pointless act for a brief time, then disperse, often for the purposes of entertainment, satire, and artistic expression. Now that's something I can get behind. It sounds so mirthful. Don't steal my photo idea. 

By the way, people freak out when you suddenly drop back into a deep backbend out of nowhere. It's an impressive party trick. 

The Artsy Yogi. There's a lot going on here, but first, why is she naked? And second, OUCH. I don't even want to know how long she had to hold the pose for this shot. And you can't see her face, so I'm a little tempted to post it on my Facebook with a caption like "Oh my God, my mom is going to kill me if she sees I posted this!" By the way, boys, in case you didn't know, yoga chicks are kinda flexible.

Salvador Dali, Artiste. What a stud. I wish I could tell you the story behind this photo, but I have no idea how it came about. I'm wondering who the woman is, and again, how long she had to stay in her backbend for the shot. Look at her bandeau top and her little bikini bottoms. So awesome.

Marilyn Monroe, Goddess. Have you ever seen anything so damn cute? Her little short sleeve knit top, the ballet slippers and shorts... LIFE Magazine captured the bombshell in her backbend in 1948, over 60 years ago. Unbelievable.

Iggy Pop, Maniac. Love him. Mick Rock took this iconic photo in 1972. I can't believe he can even walk after a stunt like this, and I'm completely afraid his boots are going to slip. Want a print? Only $1,200 at Christie's.

Madonna The Ashtangi. She's seen here in W Magazine, looking pretty fierce at 53 years old, just hanging out in Camel Pose. Some people think she's taken things... a bit too far. It's not the Olympics. Either way, you have to admire her level of discipline. It's not like she has nothing to do but work out.

Christy Turlington, Super Model. Bendy much? I'm obsessed with this photo. I think it's perfect - the dress, the colors, the table in the corner. Again, how long did she have to stay like that? My God, yoga makes you a bad ass.

You can't really tell, but that's young, innocent Regan MacNeil making her way down the stairs in The Exorcist. She's in Urdhva Dhanurasana, the devil's in her body and blood is gushing out of her mouth. Bravo. They call this lost scene the "spider walk". Linda Blair is horrifying. And the devil wins it.

ॐ ॐ ॐ

Ten Million Hippies Can't Be Wrong.

' I know, people like to do their own thing. Like Spinning (not my favorite), bike riding (sorry, no) or just sitting on the couch, smoking pot, doing nada. This is what I get a lot from the men: I can't do yoga, I'm not flexible. It's too girly. There's too many people in one room sweating. I don't wear patchouli or Birkenstocks - do you really think I'm gonna go to a yoga class? 

The Beatles with The Maharishi, 1967. I put this picture up to a) prove Yoga is cool b) say if it's cool enough for The Beatles, it's cool enough for you, and c) mention this warning: Beware Of The Guru. Just sayin. Check it out: The Maharishi And The Beatles: What Really Happened. It ain't about modern day self-important sages and such, it's you and yourself. Kinda like Rocky, when he's training to fight Apollo Creed for the first time, and he's wearing his dirty sweat suit and running up those steps. Man vs. Himself, the classic struggle. That's why Yoga is super-bitchin', because we go inside ourselves to discover that fire, it makes us better people, and it makes us physically stronger, even ripped. Ever do Power Yoga? Lordy. It's good for the soul, and the booty.

So my men, I don't be scared. So what if it makes you a hippie? You'll meet a bunch of chicks, you'll look awesome, and you'll jazz up your karma. And if you come to my class, I'll play some Beatles. ♥